The baby is cranky and crying. The girls are fighting...again. No one is listening to me or following the rules. The house is a mess. The laundry and the dishes are never truly done. The dog is barking...again...about nothing. Every three hours, awake for at least an hour, feeding a teething and inconsolable baby. Life as a momma is hard and sometimes I ask God “why?”. I know this is what I am meant to do with my life -- that it was always in his plan for me to be a momma and really it feels so natural to me and it always did. I never had that weird, panicky moment so many moms have in the hospital where they can’t believe they just go home now with no idea what they are doing. Not me, it felt right, she was mine and I knew innately what to do and it felt very strong and real, this motherly connection. Why, then, why, is it so hard? Why does so much of what I want and need seem opposite of what you get in a house full of children? Things like quiet, cleanliness, order, time to just think, etc. But, I realized why. I realize that when the baby is screaming in the middle of the night, I pray. When I just can’t take it anymore with the fighting, I call on the Lord. When a kid is puking, I ask God for help. When I’m exhausted by being a mom, I talk to Mary, because I know she’s been there. These hard times are what is really bringing me closer to God, what draws me more and more to him, to feel some sort of sense of calm and sanity. This is his plan for me, to call me deeper to him. So, I take a deep breath, maybe take a hot shower, and pray; pray for patience and for a deeper love of him who is in control the whole time.
|
Heather WA wife and mom working to live the life God intended for me. Archives
January 2016
Categories |